Breaking Hearts
by AFangirlofSorts
Summary: He wanted her to stay with him, she wanted him to leave with her. Regardless of whether they were together or apart, both of them were nursing their broken hearts. Kylo Ren and Rey, force bond.


**A/N: I'm a huge Reylo shipper and I wondered how their next conversation would go. Hope you readers enjoy this installment.**

 **Hate is not allowed, don't like then don't read.**

 **Summary: He wanted her to stay with him, she wanted him to leave with her. Regardless of whether they were together or apart, both of them were nursing their broken hearts. Kylo Ren and Rey, potential series of one shots.**

* * *

 _At night, desperate for sleep._

Rey shut her eyes, the darkness of her eyelids scarcely different than staring at the darkness of the room she occupied in this shelter. Mere hours ago, the Resistance practically fell apart at the seams leaving hardly anyone else. The heavy losses still wrapped around everyone who remained as if were a thick blanket. The battle had nearly destroyed the Resistance, all of it had nearly vanished.

Hours ago, she had been on Supreme Leader Snoke's ship. Hours ago, she had stood before Kylo Ren. Snoke had been killed by his hand in retaliation to her torture. No, that wasn't quite right. It wasn't Kylo Ren who saved her. _Ben Solo_ , the name echoed in her mind as she continued to lie on the hard mat.

Her eyes stung with tears she refused to shed, for the rejection she felt, for the pain she caused Ben, for the loss of Luke Skywalker, for the pain she felt through the Force from those nearby. A trembling breath escaped her, the force was thick with pain, sorrow, and regret.

It was dark, the energy was like a large shadow with specks of light that she knew was meant to be hope. The darkness of it all, it was nearly all-consuming and drowning her as she already struggled to keep her breathing even.

The force shimmered around her, her skin warmed and cooled at the feeling of it. She opened her eyes and sat up despite the protest of her sore muscles. The day's events had worn her down, but despite the exhaustion she felt, sleep would not find her soon. Especially with her visitor.

Sitting not too far away was someone she expected, but wasn't prepared to face after what had transpired only a few hours ago. His dark eyes were focused on the floor, but she could tell he knew her presence was there. Seconds passed, then maybe minutes as neither of them could break the tense silence that surrounded them.

To her surprise, but slight relief, he spoke, "Are all our future meetings going to be like this?"

He sounded worn down and defeated like he was too exhausted to be sitting there. He had been dreading the moment this bond would come alive again, yet he couldn't deny that he was pleased the bond was still in place despite Snoke's demise. The force was moving between the two of them, like the way sunlight would move between the clouds.

Ben Solo, Kylo Ren, whatever name he wished to be called was trying to keep his emotions hidden from her, but she could feel his control over them lessening. As though it were sand slipping through his fist. He knew his emotions were slipping through his control since he was physically and mentally exhausted from the day's events.

It was then his eyes found hers, she swallowed under the intensity of his gaze. It wasn't accusatory or angry like she had expected it to be, but the sadness there was enough to fracture a piece of her heart.

"With just us sitting in silence," he continued softly, his voice never wavering, "waiting for it to end."

Rey took a quiet breath, her own sorrow beginning to spill into the force. Though she wasn't trying too hard to hide her own feelings since she wasn't exactly sure how to hide them. Besides, it took too much effort on her part when she did try and frankly, she was too beaten to care if he felt her emotions. Part of her wanted him to feel them, to feel the pain he caused her, to feel what was happening around her. She wanted him to know how much he hurt her.

"I hope not," Rey heard herself say, though she couldn't be sure why she had.

Ben scoffed at her, a flare of annoyance, "You'd rather I disappear entirely."

The bitterness of his words did not escape her, she felt them brush against her like low hanging wires might briefly touch her arms.

Her hazel eyes narrowed at him, "I should want that. I should want you gone, to never see you again, but I don't."

Ben said nothing to her, he could only study her with a questioning gaze, he took notice of the stray hairs that hung loosely around her face. He could see that her skin was still lightly covered in ashes from before. It was then he found himself looking to her arm to see her upper right arm was wrapped in white gauze, a spot of red staining it. He sensed no physical pain from her, so it wasn't prominent to her which he took a bit of pleasure in.

His attention shifted to the force surrounding her. Finding her emotions had been easy enough, he felt a light shield blocking him but slipped through it without an issue. He could tell that Rey knew he was there based on her expression, it was slightly irritated, but not as heated as he expected. His jaw clenched and unclenched as he sat there, he stopped searching the force for her emotions and sat there in silence with her.

The pain from her rejecting his offer was still incredibly fresh and seeing her now, looking at her and having her so close was like adding salt to the still open wound. It would be so much easier if she hated him and if he hated her. If there was hate between them, it would be easier for them to go on with their lives and be enemies in this war. Yet he didn't want that, neither did she as far as he could tell. A glint filled her eyes and Ben knew she had felt that last part, much to his chagrin. Though the response he received from her would be slightly welcomed.

"I don't want you to go," Rey admitted despite herself much to Ben's surprise.

 _Neither do I._

Though he didn't say the words, he knew that Rey heard them or at least felt them through the bond. It was small, but her gentle smile was there. It sent a warm feeling through his chest, the sensation foreign, but comforting just the same.

He struggled to accept it, he knew that he didn't want to lose this bond that they had. Though he wanted to deny it with every fiber of his being, he simply just couldn't do that. This bond between them was special, unique to them and it was theirs. He would take her silence, if only it meant having her around in some way. Even though she were not truly with him in his chambers, she was close to him in presence and he didn't want to lose that.

The pair had grown somewhat accustomed to having the other around them in some way, in the back of the other's mind just hovering. For Ben, it was like a ray of light seeping through the storm clouds. For Rey, it was like seeing the shadows on the wall. There, but out of reach and even if they were close enough, they could not touch what was there.

Ben may not have always made such an obvious appearance to her, but Rey could feel him in the back of her mind. At first, it annoyed and frightened her, but after they spoke more after she felt what he did after their hands touched… she wanted him to remain there. It worked both ways.

She knew that she had been plaguing Kylo since he first heard of her, the scavenger girl from Jakku. The nobody who bested him on Starkiller base, the one who he wanted so desperately to hate, but for some reason he couldn't. While she had plagued his thoughts, he had definitely plagued hers. At first only as the monster who brought her aboard that ship for interrogation, but slowly her opinion changed when she began to feel him and talk to him and learn his past. He wanted her to know, there was a growing part of him that wanted to let her in, but something else was holding him back.

His anger sparked in their bond, Rey felt it grow as of it were in front of her. It was hot, the strength of it caught her off guard, much like a fire suddenly coming more alive after receiving more fuel to burn. Her eyes had widened slightly at the force of it, but she quickly shook it away.

His gaze briefly softened but returned to its original state that caused her to square her shoulders. Though his expression remained the same, his eyes were alight with fire, specks of yellow floated there in his irises.

"Why," he asked her then, his tone filled with pain and anger, "Why didn't you stay?"

The ache he felt at their last encounter rippled between them, the air was knocked momentarily out of her lungs. Her eyes found his then, she could see the hurt she had inadvertently caused him and it caused guilt to fill her. The memory was fresh for both of them, they both were hurting in different ways. Rey let her own emotions over what had happened seep through the bond.

Ben felt it soon after she let her control of them go, the tightening of his chest and throat was enough to make him part his mouth for more air. For a few second,s it was becoming harder for him to breathe The disappointment and sorrow that followed stunned him, rendering him unable to think straight until he recovered himself.

Rey countered in the same tone had used, "Why didn't you leave?"

 _With me_ , she finished the sentence in her mind, but he could feel the words echo in his mind.

Her eyes narrowed at him, but she said nothing as he matched her gaze. Guilt slipped through the cracks of her control, part of her wanted to say she wished she had gone with him. Perhaps they could have created something new and amazing, but they weren't at that the point yet. With any luck, they would get there, but today wasn't the day and tomorrow wasn't looking much better either. Anger and disdain flared to life inside of Ben, the Intensity of it reminding Rey exactly who she was dealing with. Kylo Ren was still here, he would always still be here.

"Leave with you," he hissed at her, his eyes alight with new anger as he stood up sharply, "Be apart of your little band of misfits? A prisoner to your pathetic group of rebels who are barely hanging on after their latest defeat?"

Rey's own fury rose within her at his words. Had he come with her, they could have stopped the attack and saved the Resistance as a whole. There would be more than the forty bodies that occupied this ship, there would be more hope to go around among all these people who were fighting for what they believed in.

"You would have chosen to be free of the First Order, would have helped so many people instead of being trapped where you are now;" Rey said struggling to keep her voice low.

Though she was further away from the other members of the Resistance, she didn't want to risk shouting and wake them. The last thing she needed was for them to think she had lost her mind. And she did not want to tell anyone about this bond she had with the enemy.

"I am not a prisoner here, I am now the Supreme Leader and will lead the galaxy to a better state than ever before," shouted Ren at her, his tone cashing her to jerk.

Rey climbed onto her feet then suddenly, she hissed at him harshly, "You intend to spread more tyranny across the galaxy."

Ben let out a laugh that held no joy, it sounded sadistic and cruel. The action caught Rey off guard, the sound sending cold chills down her spine.

He glared at her and spoke, his tone indignant, "How would you know that?! I asked you to join me, to rule beside me! And what did you do?! Reach for the _lightsaber_. Did you not consider to _talk_ to me before drawing a weapon? You attacked me when I was exposed to you."

Rey swallowed her anger at his words. In this regard he wasn't entirely wrong, she could have talked to him longer, but she sensed that anything she would say would not have worked in her favor.

"My friends were in danger," Rey decided to say after a short pause, her throat was growing tighter, "I had to go after them, to help them before your fleet destroyed them."

His brow quirked slightly at that as he commented, "My fleet."

Rey said nothing to his comment, but she felt the dull ache her words had caused. It was his fleet now, the First Order was now his to command. After their encounter, he came after the Resistance with every intention to see it and it's people to be slaughtered like animals.

Her chest began ache as she recalled the memory, standing before him in the room surrounded by dead or unconscious warriors as sparks fell to the ground from their damage. How he looked at her and _pleaded_ with her to remain with him. How she had nearly taken his hand, how she even pictured herself there beside him leading the First Order. But it was an image she didn't want to become real.

When she called for the lightsaber, she hadn't been reaching with the intent to kill or even hurt him. No, she had reached because she knew that if she didn't have a weapon, he would have just taken her had she refused.

Ben wanted to believe that even if she said no right then and there, he would have let her go. Though looking back and remembering how much his temper would flare, he couldn't be certain he would have let her walk away.

"We would have been unstoppable together," Ben said finally, his tone regretful and defeated, his gaze on something Rey couldn't see as he said softer, "You were mine."

Rey raised a brow at that last part, "I hadn't been yours."

Ben looked up her then, the spark of anger had returned and she felt it's heat like the twin suns of Tatooine in her. However, it faded away just as fast and was replaced with cold water coursing through her. Sorrow filled her as she looked into his dark eyes, the specks of amber no longer visible.

"I know… You were never mine," Ben said sadly, his eyes glazed over, "so tell me why, why did it hurt so much when you left?"

Rey could only look at him silence, the pain he felt was seeping into her. The sharp feeling piercing her heart with every beat that passed. It hurt her to turn him away, it hurt to call for the lightsaber instead of taking his hand in hers. The final plea he made, the desire he had for her to join him had struck her at the core.

Ben looked into her eyes then, his words came out more desperate than she expected, "Why didn't you stay? Why did you leave?"

"I, I couldn't. You wanted to destroy it all," Rey answered, but the explanation sounded weak to her ears.

His anger came alive again, he couldn't stop himself from shouting, "Because you're still holding on! Why couldn't you let it all die?!"

"You would have let them all be killed," Rey shouted, her sorrow at the realization she could have lost the friends she made and the innocents she hadn't met, "You want to _conquer_ the entire Galaxy do to _your_ bidding. To be at your mercy!"

"No," Ben shouted, the force crackling with his anger, " _We_ would have ruled _together_! The _two_ of us would have had all the control!"

"It never would have worked," Rey shouted again her voice cracking, she closed her mouth tightly hoping no one had her screams before. She silently prayed that she was hidden enough away or hat the others were in a deep enough sleep not to notice.

"It would have, I would have made it work for you," he cried, desperately trying to get her to understand, "We would have been in charge of the galaxy, do things the way we wanted! To be the change we wanted to see!"

Rey felt her eyes burn, there was so much she wanted to say to him, but the words refused to come out. That was not the future she wanted to see, as someone who spent her life being looked down upon from everyone, we never wanted to be like that. She never wanted to be someone with all the power, she just wanted to be left to her own devices.

"I offered," he paused, recollecting himself as he struggled to keep his voice even, "I offered you _everything_! Everything and anything you could have ever wanted would have been _yours_!"

Ben stared at her the loose strands of his raven hair hanging over his forehead, his expression crossed between anger and devastation. He was breathing heavily, as if he could not get enough air into his lungs, that he was struggling to keep his breaths even. He hung his head defeated, his muscles relaxed as he sagged dejectedly.

Rey could understand the feeling, her breath had quickened and turned slightly shallow. There was nothing she could say, she was struggling to keep her lips from trembling from the sorrow she felt from this entire conversation. Liquid filled her eyes, it was close to spilling over as she continued to watch him.

He took a deep labored breath, his heart hammering away in his chest as the next words left his lips, "I would have given you the _galaxy_ , yet you still turned me away."

"I never wanted the galaxy," Rey said, her breathing hitched as the tears slipped down her cheeks, "I only wanted you."

Ben's head snapped up to look at her, to look into her shimmering hazel eyes and he found the truth in her words. It surprised him, but the warmth that washed over him was enough to fill him with a spark of happiness.

Before he could answer, to return her sentiment, she disappeared from view leaving him alone in his chambers once again. The black walled room felt more intimidating and colder than he remembered as he stood there, his chest aching at the loss of her warm presence. He felt something slip down his cheek and hesitantly brought his fingertips to touch the substance that had fallen.

When he pulled his hand away, he could only stare at the shine on his index and middle finger as he continued to think of her, the Scavenger named Rey who would never leave his thoughts. He closed his hand into a fist as the feeling of more tears fell down his cheeks and his breath hitched at the thought of her name.

 _Rey._

When he abruptly disappeared, Rey barely managed to choke back the sob that had been building in her throat for minutes on end. The loss of his presence was like a downpour of cold water, it reminded her when she had gone into the dark place on Atch To. She took in a shuddering breath, followed by a shaky exhale and another shuddering inhale. The strength she had felt that kept her standing disappeared from her body completely in that moment.

Her knees contacted the metal floor harshly, she barely felt the ache it caused as her hands slammed onto the floor breaking her fall. Hot tears fell from her eyes onto the ground beneath her as a pained sob filled with despair escaped her. Once the first sob escaped, the rest quickly followed until all she could do was cry in her spot as his name echoed in her mind.

 _Ben._


End file.
